No Child Left Behind - The Basketball Version

This is being passed around my school district- the teachers love it, because the teachers aren't thrilled about NCLB.  I thought it was pretty funny myself...

1. All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like basketball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

Comments

[Brandon]

I love this, Kristen. I've made a post of my own.

[Jennifer]

You can imagine I have already seen this. I have gotten it in this version and just last week from a college friend in a football version. I responded to Bud...

"And then, my head started spinning and I thought about how the NFL would be considered the evil bloated big government left wing evildoer and small Christian teams would crop up to counteract secular humanist football. Then teams would start playing at home. Families with 7 kids would start teams that would prove more successful. They would win the Superbowl."