Defying the Red Hat Ladies

I was in a local Chinese restaurant the other afternoon to pick up lunch, and saw three women in purple sweatsuits and big red hats standing silently against a wall. I did a double-take after the first glance. It was not something I'm used to seeing around my neighborhood. All three were in what appeared to be their mid-sixties, and were also wearing pleasant smiles, even after my rude second glance. Driving back to work, it hit me! These were the "red hat ladies", eating at their weekly "red hat luncheon". I had heard of these elusive woman, so inspired by the poem, "When I Am Old, I Shall Wear Purple" that they started their own club to celebrate it.

Here's the thing: the point of the poem is that when you are old, you'll be less constricted by caring what others think. You'll be more free to do what you want- damn fashion, convention and the courts of public opinion. Therefore, starting a club and requiring everyone in that club to pick one day a week when you ALL meet together and you ALL wear your purple sweats and red hats does not accomplish that objective! You've just started another group with more rules about what is acceptable. And as everyone knows who has ever participated in a youth group scavenger hunt- if you're doing something silly or unconventional or even stupid- and you're doing it surrounded and supported by a group of people doing the same things- it's not a risk! It's fun. You can thumb your nose at people who give you strange looks and say, "Look at us! We're in a group having fun and being weird together!"

There's nothing wrong with this- but it's not true to the spirit of the poem and it's not eccentric or brave. A true "red hat ladies" club (if there even needs to be a club) would say: Let's meet once a week and wear the different and individual things we want to wear but aren't considered normal- bathrobes and slippers, feather boas and rhinestone glasses, clown wig and evening gown, tap shoes and a smile. Let's eat what we want to eat- all dessert, and champagne for breakfast. Let's ask for 30 fortune cookies and the fortunes we don't like we'll wad up and make into spit balls to throw at the waitress. Let's start a group food fight and get kicked out of the restaurant. Let's go to the library after lunch and sit in the floor in a big, weird old-lady group and read children's books to each other out loud. Let's go as a group to cheer on the Chippendale dancers. Let's dress up like fortune tellers and set up our tents right outside all the churches downtown on a Sunday morning. Let's all jump in the duck pond with floaties and tropical drinks and not get out until the cops have to wade in to haul us out. Then let's pinch the cute ones butts and shout, "Yeah, Loverboy!".

Do you see what I'm saying? These ladies need a vision! They need some creativity! And if this is all too extreme for them, if what I suggest is a little too out-there, a little too much- then I defy you, Cowardly Red Hat Ladies! You don't deserve to wear the Red Hat of Eccentricity! I shall take them off your heads and stomp on them the next time I see you, banded together in your little group of sameness!

Bah. Poetry should never be used to support a Cult of Mediocrity.

Comments

[Jennifer]

You know, I liked that Red Hat poem.

The first time!!!!!

It just doesn't stop! I am expecting Red Hat Happy Meals for the ever growing baby boomer market to be the next wave and it must be fought!

It's just like the nauseous wave of regret I have for introducing my mom to Steel Magnolias off broadway in 1989, now she quotes it at any turn.

I love Shakespeare, but I don't want to merchandise it.

[Streak]

Funny post. I remember some ladies at work wearing their hats and the really funny part was one of them got really snippy with another one--something about the second one not being old enough to wear the hat or something? It pretty much proves your point.

[Jerry]

I like it.

[Scott Jones]

I like your description of the club much more!

Did you know they make jewelry specifically for the Red Hat Ladies? And down here when they get together, they aren't wearing sweatpants. It is usually well off ladies who are dressed in nice purple dresses and fancy red hats.

[zalm]

hmmm...

clearly this red hat thing is much less obscure than i thought it was. i had honestly never heard of this before kristen's post.

when did this happen and how did i completely miss it?

[Kristen]

It must be because you're on the edge of some cultural backwater like Berkeley California, zalm. Poor you.

[zalm]

heh. believe it or not, berkeley is very much a bubble in its own way. and that's only sometimes a good thing.

but maybe you're right. i guess a town that has its own hot-pink-hooded-unitard-wearing unicyclist isn't likely to give a second glance to a couple of red hats.

still, i'm surprised that something like this has flown so totally under my radar.

[kristen c]

Okay, Kristen, I think you need to give the old ladies a break. They are trying to leave social conventions and be a little more free. Remember that they grew up in an era when they had to wear GIRDLES and GLOVES and it would be SCANDALOUS to pull out your white shoes before Easter. Besides fashion, they had no ready-available birth control, were expected to take care of their homes and their kids and that's all, and if they were poor, to wash their dishes and clothes BY HAND! Most of them probably didn't vote and never spoke up in church. I think we should allow them their attempt at eccentricity...old people get criticized and marginalized for plenty of other things these days.

[Mary]

When you all get old-er (belive it or not, you will) and dont ever want to wash another dish as long as you live, or cook another meal, or plan another funeral, clean another house, or sit through another boring meeting, you will appreciate the red hat concept.
There are only two official rules for RH. Wear purple and red/ have fun. (Snippy? Perhaps you heard through a dark mind. The rule for under 50s is pink hat and lavender (ish) clothing).Our group has one more rule: RSVP for invitations that require reservations or are in homes where the hostess has to plan for the number of people attending (lest she run out of coffee or some special treat). Simple good manners, in short supply as we get cut off at the doors by teenagers who see no one but themselves and their wants...perish the thought they should acknowledge the presence of their elders and wisers.
Hats are fun. People who see us in a group get a kick out of us having fun.....and we are going to breakfast in a restaurant in our purple pjs....
Red Hats promote creativity and "live before you die."
So wait til your time comes....then maybe you'll want to join the red hats.....there are about half a million of them worlwide.....and old is relative...some of you sound old to me......!!!!

[zalm]

See, now even that sounded ominous to me.

It must be that i'm reading through a dark mind. Which, y'know, might not be that far from the truth.

[Suzy]

I feel sorry for the young lady who missed seeing us old ladies in rhinestones,boas,bathrobes,naugthy nighties,fake hairy armpits etc.You name it we've worn it-in Red and Purple of course.We do indeed eat desert first,crash weddings in the park(and embarrass the heck out of the young grooms)and generally have a great time that only the confidence of growing older brings.Hugs and kisses!!!!!!

[Duchess Wanda]

Hey, I'm a Red Hatter and I don't give a flip what anyone thinks. It's a great way to make friends and enjoy your older years after volunteering, cub scouting, girl scouting, PTA-ing and all the stuff we've done for others for most of our lives. Now, its time for us and we don't care what crabby people think. They need to make some friends and have fun.

Thanks,
Duchess Wanda
The Foxy Red Hatters

PS Most of us get our stuff at second hand shops and trade swaps. Sometimes, we order new stuff!! SO What