Female Headship Awaits Us In the Flaming Fires of Hell, or Women Probably Don't Have Souls, Part II

I have very bad news: Egalitarians are winning the gender debate. According to Russell D. Moore at the 57th annual meeting of the Evangelical Theological Society on November 17, this is due largely to our consumeristic and therapy-obsessed society. Many evangelicals who call themselves complementarians, holding to the view that men and women have been created equally in God's image but have different yet complementary roles, have actually been behaving as egalitarians, who hold the view that that men and women have been gifted equally so that
no role is limited to one sex.

I think we can all see why Egalitarianism is hateful in the eyes of God.

Moore warned that many evangelicals unwittingly live as feminists, explaining: "practical decisions are made in most evangelical homes through a process of negotiation, mutual submission, and consensus", which is a dangerous way to solve any conflict or make any decision, let alone making decisions in a marriage!

I think that the solution lies in changes we can easily implement in our public schools. Currently, we teach kids to sit down and negotiate with one another peaceably, discuss and think through all options, take into account other's feelings and information and opinions before making a decision, regardless of gender. Even in the best light, such teaching is misguided! How do we expect to raise children in this pagan, egalitarian way and then to have them suddenly switch over to the correct Biblical Patriachal roles of male headship/female submission in marriage and church? We need to start the implementation of these roles much, much earlier. Like pre-school. Here are a few suggestions in making the necessary changes that will save our society by defeating pagan feminism:

1. Don't let female students raise their hands or talk in class. If they try to do so, first teachers should ignore them. If that tactic is not effective, punish them. Any signs of initiative should be punished by taking away recess or snack-time. Reward shy, quiet, submissive little girls with extra stickers or candy. Hold them up to the class as models of "just what little girls should be".

2. As the children enter grade school, have them do the same math word problems, but set them up with different, gender-appropriate scenarios. For instance, a typical boy's math problem could read:

If your future wife wants a new pair of shoes that cost $23, and she saves $7 at the grocery store with coupons, how many more dollars do you need to tell her to save in household expenses before she can buy her shoes?

(Of course, there could be some good multiple choice answers to this question that foster critical thinking as well as math skills, such as:  A. She already has one pair of shoes. Why is she never satisfied?  B. It doesn't matter. She shouldn't be asking for material things, but storing up her treasure in heaven.  C. $16  D. It doesn't matter. All her savings go into my internet poker account.)

Female version of the same math problem:

If you have 23 dirty dishes to wash, and you manage to wash 7 of the dishes before sweeping the floor and giving your husband a foot massage, how many more do you have to wash before you iron your husband's shirt for work the next day?

3. In read-aloud time in the classroom, have the boys taking turns reading aloud and have the girls read silently to themselves. This will also be good practice for the church setting. Girls' reading skills can be tested on paper, or by having them read aloud to the female teacher while the boys are outside playing.

4. In junior high and highschool, do away with female sports such as softball, as these promote a culture of lesbianism. However, cheerleading should be encouraged as much as possible, as it promotes an attitude of encouragement and support to male sports, and inculcates the idea of women as not-so-necessary, but nice to look at, accessories to important male activities. (This could even be incorporated earlier in gradeschool PE games. For instance, have each boy pick a girl to cheer him on as the boys play tug-of-war. Reward the boy who wins, and then reward the girl who cheered for him, giving her a little credit for his win "because she was such an encouraging little helper".

A few last tips for parents on the homefront:
-The boycott of Disney wasn't a bad idea! Make sure you screen movies first, not allowing your children to watch films such as Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, Pocahontas, etc., that show girls behaving as egalitarian pagan feminist lesbian leaders. Also, watch out for dangerous tv shows like The Power Puff Girls or Dora the Explorer.
-Watch beauty pageants and reality shows like "The Bachelor" with your kids, which provide excellent examples of women who are trying to please men by being decorative and slightly vapid. These shows also reinforce how badly women need men for guidance and common sense.

Watch this blog for further fun suggestions as we think of them, and feel free to make helpful suggestions of your own in the comment section.

*Micah- I would tell you, or suggest, that to be a more godly couple we need to resist the forces of pagan feminism by wiping out all signs and traces of the process of negotiation, mutual submission, and consensus in our communication and efforts to make decisions—but then I would be taking the headship role. (Because the point is not to glorify God by treating each other with mutual love and honor and respect...it's to glorify God with this male headship thing.) So instead of talking to you about this or making a verbal or written suggestion, I am just going to pray that God will lay this issue on your heart and convict you of...wait, would that be me trying to control or take headship, in a round-about, passive-aggresive, patriarchal-feminist way? Never mind, I won't even pray about it. This is going to be harder than I thought.

Comments

[kristen c]

GO KRISTEN M!!!

[aaron c]

Amen, Kristen. I am glad you are standing up for the Biblical approach. May other females be encouraged to submit as this reflects GOD's plan for their lives. As you can see, my wife thoroughly agrees.

[Nicole]

We went to a small group for the first time this week. And the first hour is together, and the second hour we split up into male and female.

Well, us ladies, we were discussing women of the Bible. (I guess men don't need to study that?) We studied Jezebel. And after reading about her, the question was posed
"What do you think of Jezebel not submitting to her husband?"

My response:
"Well, I'm the only married person here. But I'm not very traditional in my views of marriage, and besides, Jezebel was killing babies, I think her marital relationship was the least of her concerns."

Grr..why do I have to be that woman, everywhere I go?

[Brandon]

You feminazis and your heretical views. Why can't we just turn to scripture and see the biblical way of living:

One man, One woman, (notice who came first), Several Children, A white pickett fence, private health care, and A hummer in the garage.

;)

[zalm]

I think girls should have to wear yellow ribbons so that we can tell them apart from boys. That will make it so much easier for us to tell whose headship to encourage.

[Tim Sean]

The Bible is a puzzle. The Bible is a confusing puzzle. The Bible is a dangerous confusing puzzle. The Bible is often a problem.

To determine standards for life I use:

1. Reason
2. Experience
3. Community consensus (sorta)
4. Church tradition and history (the ones I like best that seem to congeal with the previous three's conclusions.
5. The whole of scripture.

I think most people use this formula for arriving at standards of living and practice, maybe in varied configurations. But truth be told, most folks (and I'm including most fundagelicals, don't put the Bible first on their list. They may say they do, but they don't. Not really.

But this guy?! He does, and look what he comes across as! What an ass! At least he's honest, but frighteningly so.

The main parting of ways between moderate to liberal Christians and fundmentalists is an unwillingness on the part of the fundamentalists to integrate theology and scripture with post-enlightenment disciplines (sociology, psycology, anthropology), medicine being the one exception. Its sola scripture.

This is where I proudly wear my moderate/liberal label proudly. It just seems flat out dangerous to me. And I think God intended for us to grow beyond the testimony of scriptures in these damaging areas.

Can't believe I am still a baptist.

[Scott Jones]

This post should be published somewhere. I'm quite serious.

[greg]

Scott,

I thought about The Door for it as well. Maybe something even more mainstream, but who does good religious humor besides The Door.

Kristen,

You might beef it up and send a note to Jeff Sharlet at The Revealer. See if he has a good market suggestion.

[Kristen]

I love you people. All you people.

Perhaps I should say...
I really don't think that this issue is the most important issue in the Church today. There are lots of good people in the world who believe in keeping strict traditional gender roles. But you have to admit- that article was laughably bad. To blame feminism for the idea of open theism? To say mutual submission and negotiation don't belong in a marriage? And that we're losing Patriarchy because of the therapy-minded and consumeristic trends of our society? I can think of several ways that consumerism and obsession with therapy are hurting both our society and the Church, but letting women have more equal roles in the church is not one of them! (in my female opinion)
Anyhow- I want to serve God. But this issue does get under my skin. And it's nice to be able to vent through satire.
Which reminds me- don't you think that many of these evangelical/strict traditionalists would love to take a page from some of the Middle Eastern, Muslim-extremist countries? Now there's a religion that- in some forms- has its gender roles worked out! The women often can't work, have no legal rights, wear a burqa, sit in the back of the car...that sounds like what some of these Baptist guys dream of!
Ahhh, theocracy. It's not just for Muslims anymore.

[david mc]

Hey! It's the lurking fundavengelical again! This is another topic that gets me going. Everyone loves to quote Ephesians 5:22-33 on this topic, but for some reason they leave out Ephesians 5:21. Look it up!

[Kevin]

So this is what happens when Micah lets Kristen out of the kitchen. ;)

Seriously, though, you might enjoy this Kristen. And this and this while you're at it.

[susan]

whew, I just got in from milking the cow, digging a ditch, and hanging out the laundry. I found the head of my household with his feet propped up on the ottoman with a beer in one hand and his johnson in the other. After I baked him a turkey pot pie and chewed the callouses off his feet, he allowed me to feed the kids and run him a bath. Later I will be allowed to take my weekly bath in the same water. Is this a great counrty or what. Thank you Jesus.

[nenana]

if my husband were to love me as much as Christ loves His church, i'd pray each day for the grace to be the model of submission. in the meantime, lol...

[ninjanun]

This is freakin' hilarious. You really should consider getting it published somewhere.

There are so many phallacies with the Moore article, one wonders where to begin.

[ninjanun]

I meant "fallacies." Oops.

Freudian slip. ;)

[jvpastor]

Natalie has a horrible "me man, you wo-man" post at here place.

I mentioned this over there too:

I spoke with a missionary on furlough yesterday, and he had some very disturbing things to share about sbc missionaries coming from Southeastern and Southwestern Seminaries (SW where Paige Patterson is now, and the other he just left). It seems that these missionaries are being given a heavy dose of patriarchial leadership. This un-named missionary said that these new missionaries are not allowing women to share their faith with other men, or to lead bible studies that men attend. He said they have even gone so far as to say they shouldn't share their faith with their husbands, because that would violate the head of household rule! They are teaching that women should only share their faith with their children!!!!!!

How ridiculous! He said he even thinks they are trying to get all single women missionaries off the field. It is Lottie Moon Christmas offering time in the SBC. Hmmm? Wasn't she single? Everyday I question why I continue to support the SBC with my membership and my tithe.

[Tofflemire]

This post deserves its own site along the lines of Landover Baptist.org. I love it.

[Charlie]

Wonderful post. It is about time someone exposed female sports for what it is: a hot bed for Lesbianism. It has nothing to do with self esteem, equality, excercise, it's all about hooking up with other chicks. Much the same way Football is all about hot guy on guy action... no wait, that ain't right.

Anyway, I posted this on my blog: myspace.com/mcbobdole, as well! Great stuff!

[Charles Martin]

Yeah, my wife is a srong headed feminazi and refuses to submit to my will. I've tried burning her at the stake several times, but she just won't burn. Apparently feminists are flame retardent. I didn't know that.

[Kristen]

I don't know about that, Charles. I'm pretty sure that Nicole is a feminist, and it looks as though she's pretty darn flammable:

http://goingape.blogspot.com/2005/11/i-caught-on-fire-today.html

Perhaps flame-retardancy is a peculiarity held only by your lucky wife.

[jeff m]

Excellent satirical funny post. There's no way this is serious.

[Chestertonian_Rambler]

Excellent post.

Re. comments:

I think there are three important points to realize:

1) Regarding Southern Baptist men. Most of them who press most strongly against women speaking out (and I used to be strongly a member of said group) do so against their own gut instinct. It's a sort of artificial, self-imposed discipline designed to spit in the face of culture and make the participant feel holier than others. And, if they're married, I have no doubts that it is a painful discipline. (All of this isn't to deny that such radicalism isn't much more directly harmful to women. But still.)

2) Women-shall-not-speak fundamentalism is not about believing the Bible. It is about believing a specific interpretation of a limited number of verses when they seem at first glance to fly in the face of the logic of many other areas of Scripture.

3) Even in the Bible's prohibitions against women in the church (written to specific churches), the prohibition is against the authoritative "training" style of teaching one would expect from a preacher. So even if you take such verses as strict prohibitions, you're only prohibiting women from guiding the direction of a church, not from explaining concepts and facts.

[april]

I LOVE this post. Love it.

I was sharing it with a guy in my missions class the other day and I told him that he must read it...

We're not even going to go into what he said.

[sepherim]

I was going to comment on this on my blog but my son told me about yours. After reading this, I will just add a link. While Moore raises a number of theological and biblical issues (it still scares me that this guy is the head of theology at a major seminary) that should be dealt with, you have done a very good job of (as one of my friends likes to say) getting to the bottom of the line. Keep up the good work.